What's wrong?....what a day...it had just not been so wonderful and beautiful or maybe I should say I could not see it today. It had been a day beginnig with a feeling like "I don't wanna stand up and go out" and it seems to end with a feeling like "why have things to go that way? I don't wanna stand up tomorrow"...that's so awful...that's not me. I don't wanna be depressed or anything like that...it's just...I don't understand why some things go the way they go and why I'm not able to stand up and go out and clear it up. Why do people act the way they act and why can't I just go on? I don't wanna think about it anymore cause I should know that it's a dead end. Feelings ...you know...just feelings.
I know that I'm loved by my heavenly father and I know that there are many wonderful things on earth but sometimes I just can't stop thinking about some things that happened in the past time. I cannot say.."ok it's over"....cause I just think and know deep in my heart: it's not. Know that feeling? Maybe it's stupid..but I can only find out by not keep on thinking but doing something. I know I can do it...yeah..

waiting, thinking, playing guitar, wrinting songs, being creative, acting the way I like to act, doing some things, working, living, singing, shouting out, screaming, crying, sitting in the lap of God, talking to freinds and my father, believing in love, not anymore trying to forget but to get through it, being honest, trying to understand the people around me, trying to fogive and also trying to be a child...just a child of God, saying what I feel and where I stand, not anymore trying to be strong where I cannot be strong, trying not to judge about other people or the way they act, trying to see that everybody is hurt at any point of his heart or life, just trying to see Gods love more clearly every and every day...

I like streetlights...yeah I do...saw a wonderful one today:)