I bleed...

what a day...
unbelieveable.
I'm walking between darkness and light these days.
Can't remember that I ever felt like this before.
I should make my decission right now. And it should be for God. But I can't..
it's too much around and inside me right now.
Dani has called me today to tell some things God told him. And it's as if God is sending me sign after sign. And if I'd be where I was a month ago I'd praise him more and more for all his beauty and so on. But I'm not there anymore. I can't say that I think there's no God. I know there is one. And He must be good for sure. But I don't know how to go on...
I feel like fading and more and more becoming something else. Something less then a cover..
Dani told me that God told him that either I have an addiction or my mother has. So that's the sign that God knows everything...how should Dani know about such things...
but it doesn't even matter to me that God gives me sign after sign. Why?
I don't know it..
Maybe I'm just sick and tired of praying without result...or of being the strong girl...or of being left....or anything else..
I bleed..