one last candle to keep out the night

There's this one little candle inside of me still burning. It's just like...I don't know.. I keep telling me that I don't ever wanna be lost without God. Cause when I turned my back on Him last year it felt like life's fading. And what I want is life in all it's beauty and I still think that only God can give it to me.
Maybe my mom will only be in hospital for a few days and although that would still be bad, a few days are gone soon and maybe God can heal that little wound with all the other ones soon then. I wouldn't have said that today if there would not have been Lizzy yesterday. She gave me a letter, a CD and a handwritten songbook...just a little sign of "you're not alone"...not as alone as I felt wen I heard that shit of my mom going to hospital again. She's a true freind.
It's hard to understand that whole thing and it's even harder cause I know that in january or february hospital is coming again and with hospital there are always coming tons of bad memories. I don't think I've a good one. Things always had been worse than before after hospital.
But I'm going through this with my Daddy this time...

Next week there will be pattern for two times maybe and I think I should just tell about my situation and maybe worship time will strenghten me.

I'm not strong but God is!