Attention?

Had been in service today...and I enjoyed it kinda. Had been leading the worship togehter with Jonathan..or maybe I should say, he had been leading and I was just following...doesn't matter. It had been a nice time but not cause I've had a good time with God or done a good job. It had just been nice to see some friends and to get some attention. I'm honest. Sometimes it feels like nobody's interessted and everybody looks to his or her own problems not seeing that inside you are dying ..kinda. It's not that I'm dying, or that I made a bad experience the last days..it's not that I'm in any danger or things like that. I just wanna get some attention, not for what I've done or what I've said...just for being what I am.
And yeah...I know this is one thing I can only get from God in the way I truly need it, but again and again I'm searching such things in people.
But that had been one reason why I left without making great words or saying goodbye to everybody. I needed the time walking from dettingen to kirchheim to get a clearer mind and to understand that this can't be the way.
It had been raining just like it had been raining in my heart today.
I wish I'd just be able to understand things and DO them...I don't wanna have this heart full of tears and the big nothing anymore..
I've felt this happieness coming from inside before and I wanna feel it again..
maybe God's doing great things this week...maybe not...I'll see.
Hope you are fine and I'll be it too ...