Healing lifes hurts

I'm learning about healing life's hurts at the moment and it's pretty interessting.
I think that everything I do's got a reason and I'd say almost everything comes out of my heart.
The question I had was "what is in my heart right now?"...
And I found that much things that aren't good so...how should I be able to do wonderful things while bitterness and things like are reigning in my heart?!
Think God WANTS to take my heart and PULL OUT the bad things, He wants to clean out my heart and make it as wonderful as gold is. Yeah, I pretty much feel like that's the thing God's doing right now. But it doesn't only take Gods willingness ..it also takes MINE!

I've done many things wrong but I think right now Gods not interessted in what I've done for He's forgiven me when I ask him to forgive me. He's interessted in my heart and why I did it wrong..that's what I think.

I'm more an more able to understand why I've got so much bad things in my heart. For bad things happened when I was young..too young to interpret things the right way and so I got it wrong. And now things are deep deep in my heart and even though my mind knows that I just misinterpreted some things it will take long time for my heart to understand it.

I often heard that people project the image they have of their father/parents onto God the father. And I don't yet fully understand what that means for me...
On the one hand I need to know that God IS my father for I didn't really have one...but on the other I think I often can't trust God the way I should or things like that..
dunno....have to find out what exactly that means for me..

But what I know is that I'll have to forgive people and most of all my parents if I wanna become free.
I'm just like..."oh no, not today...maybe tomorrow" and I locked up the doors of some rooms in my heart and everytime God's knocking at that doors I just think..."one day I'll get it on my own I don't wanna show you what's inside there and I don't wanna feel all that pain again"...I think I will have to feel it again maybe once or twice or I don't know...maybe I'll have to talk about it..no, I'm sure I'll have to. And I think...now...that is ok.
I won't ever say "ok, the person didn't hurt me" and maybe it will take very long time for me to trust some persons again...maybe I won't ever do it. But I'll come to a point where I can say to them "I wish you the very best from the bottom of my heart"...

I'M NOT THE JUDGE. God perfectly knows what to do and how to judge. It's not my business to say who's done right or wrong...or to punish people for what they've done. It's Gods job. I should let go of it to become FREE. God's not to small to deal with any situation so I wanna give it into his hands.

And finally I wanna forgive myself..for the cross is not to small for me and my sins!