I saw something in you...

I just LOVED attending the Soul Devotion weekend. We had such a great time together.
When we arrived the party just started and well we danced and had fun just being together...and I think Jesus just joyed over us cause we were so happy. And well I just had some great conversation about different things. We talked about man and women, about Christ for sure, about children and how lovely they are, about our service(domino), about England...and many other things. And I just enjoyed having such wonderful people around me. It felt like home somehow.
It touched my very heart what Timo said yesterday in service...he just told us that God is so very proud of us and that he loves us just because he cant help it. And he encouraged us to go after whatever God has for us. And thats just what I wanna do..
well the last days I really felt some fear..cause the SOM would be 5months away from all those lovely ppl and I dont even know exactly what Im gonna do there. Somehow I know it will be great and somehow I just cant wait to get there...but there are so many things that Im gonna miss and so many things that need to be planned and stuff. And still theres my heart that on the one hand just yearns to leave...and on the other hand I just feel like Im gonna miss you. And you dont even know.
You dont seem to care about me. You might not even realize what you mean to me...I see something special in you, something beautiful . Youre not perfect, thats not what I wanna say. But you are special and I dont think that you realize how very special you are in fact. I dont think you will read that and even if you did so you might not know whom Im talking about. Well.. I cant explain what is in my heart...cause in fact we just talked from time to time, shared some moments this summer but I think thats it. For you this might not be important but it is for me. Cause I saw something in you and through you that I cannot ignore and it makes me wanna see more. And it just hurts like hell that you seem to ignore how special I am. And Jesus himself told me that I am special. And you definitely could find that special something in me if youd just try to. Well I could be wrong but some time ago Jesus really told me that I should allow my feelings(whatever this means....I dont even know..)
And at the moment I cant let go of it..and dont think it would be the right thing to do..and even if its very hard the right thing might be to wait until either I feel like I can and should let go of it all or you realize what it could be...or who I am.
Lets see...I dont know...all that I do know is that you make me smile everytime that I see you cause you are just not anybody but special.