would u do that for me?

"How much do u love me?"...
this is somehow what the Lord asked me yesterday in service. He asked me wether I would stay single if this was what he wanted me to do. He asked me wether I would give my WHOLE life to him or not. And I said...first off all I said that I wont fix more upon my longing for a partner than upon him. And I said this so that EVERYONE around could hear it.
And I asked myself "what am I doing here?!!?"...But it felt right and I felt safe.
And when I came home and went to bed...he asked me again. And I said...well yes Lord if this is what u want me to do I will cause I can trust u that u wont ever let me down. U wont do anything that I cannot stay. I wanted to be obedient....but I felt that I didnt say it with ALL of my heart.
Thats way I think he will ask me again. And if he does so...Im gonna be obedient again.
As the mom this is the hardest thing God can ask me to do or give away...cos I reli do not understand his ways in that situation. But well its him, its the king of kings...he knows perfectly well what hes doing. I will trust.

the service with David Pierce reli touched my heart. Cos this mans just so ...passionate. If Jesus told him to go to the darkest place on earth and take nothing with him....I think he would do it.
And I wanna get to that point too...to apoint where i would do anything for my Lord.

I reli realized ow much I still need to learn and give to Jesus and stuff. Im still way too fearful...I NEED to know where Im gonna go. But I should just trust. I always think Im stupid...and I wont ever get a job that fits. But hes says that I should juts not worry about it....cos he will give me the best job in time.
And I fear the time in England cos somehow I think...well maybe its not the right time...maybe next year. But well...I heard him speak to me...through signs, words, pictures, ppl....and if he reli doesnt want me to go there they wont take me anyway. So why should I worry about it??
And I worry too much about what ppl think about me...is my voice ok? My playing? And stuff like that...
And Im jealous...I am...not all the time. But sometimes I reli cant stand if someone get what i yearned for so long...

Well I could go on like this for hours. But if u r honest u could also tell me a lot of bad things about yourself...right???;)